Tuesday, December 14, 2010

new lesson with being single.

learning how to do chores that i hardly ever had to do has been a part of being single. i learned how to change my own transmission pan by myself....i have had some chuckles at my expense since i am a woman. then i have the whole response 'wow! that's pretty awesome.'

yesterday, while driving to work from target, i realized my radio had turned off. my first thought was....oh man, now i don't have music. about the time i realized something major might be going on...it became ramp time. slowly my car went...but it was time to accelerate. i knew i wasn't getting up that ramp. of course, this ramp is on to one of the busiest highways in tulsa...also, the ramp had no shoulder. i called my friend, mack to come help. he brought his friend too. somehow we made it on the highway and off the next ramp.

needless to say, after much deliberation...it was my battery. now i know...how to change my battery.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Life Lately.

disbelief comes to mind while i ponder how my babes are about to turn 4 and 2. where did the time fly?

ryan has began writing letters. of course, it's with a little help and coaching that she makes her letters. she loves to color, paint, bake, sing and dance. she told me 'one day i will be bigger than you. i will be a giant.' i have no doubts she will be bigger than i. how true that statement maybe. she's such a radiant little girl. i love watching movies with her and simply playing dolls. she LOVES to play with dolls and such interesting conversations she has with them.

dylan. wow dylan. she's brilliant. the kids is smarter than smart. she loves kitties. she has found the word 'no' and uses it appropriately. she loves to watch ryan act like a nut. she loves to be tickled! did i mention the kid loves to eat? b/c she can throw some food down!

i am making a list of things that i want to do with the girls. i simply don't want to miss a beat with them.

i am currently enrolled in school. i have one semester left which is beautiful. i work at a little pizza place downtown. i love meeting all the different people. we get oil tycoon's to hippies. never a dull day cause then us staff think of something creative to do such as dance off's. yes, those happen.

my endeavors have simply changed since going through the big D. the big D is never easy. never is it easy to put a family well-being into the hands of the court. there is grief. there is sadness. there are extreme amounts of harsh words. however, divorce and death are more a like than people realize. there is moving on stage. what do i do now stage. there is going through assets. there are the people who come out of the woodwork just to put there two-cents out there. there are lawyers, courtrooms, dockets. there is the 'you did this...you did that'....there is the 'why did this happen to me'....but i am officially divorced as of sept. 21. and now it comes to embarking on a new chapter of my life. God has great things in store.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

the end of an era.

sadly writing to my 3 loyal followers....the 'pool party' is wrapping up and almost over. we 'pool' spouses are calling our marriage quits. thus, ending this blog. i shall not go into the details of ending of marriage....i shall write how deeply saddened i am by the decision. loving a person sometimes entails us to let them go on with their life. no matter the reasons of divorcing....there comes denial, anger, depression, forgiveness, and hope. denial is the most overwhelming. this person one marries has an understanding we shall go through life's winding roads together hand in hand. have a family together, parent together, and be together.

the person i married has brought many great memories, love, smiles,laughs, and two beautiful girls we are both thankful to be blessed with in our lives. he's truly an amazing person or i wouldn't have married him. life has a way of bringing and taking people out of our lives...i am most thankful our girls have a loving father that cherishes their inner and outer beauty and makes them feel like the luckiest girls alive. many blessing and thankfulness comes to mind as i write this...

true, the heart wants to turn negative...have hateful feelings, but i remind myself of all the great times, love shared, and our babies. sometimes we tend to wrap ourselves in circumstances and have a closed heart...when he is probably dealing with the sadness and loss i experience and to not let my heart close and attempt to understand his feelings as my own.

we will get through this...life carries on and the world does not stop because we are sad, in pain, happy, joyful, but we are to carry our joy no matter the hurt. i am thankful and grateful to the deepest part of my soul our girls has a father who encompasses his girls and strives to be a great father to them. basically, love has no boundaries...although we are splitting i love and respect the man that once was my husband and still is the father of my children.

my ultimate hope is those around us....pour out love and support to our family. we need you now more than ever.

Friday, January 29, 2010

lately....

the past three week have seemed such a blur. i got a call from one my best friends, scott, telling me ronda is in the hospital. this seemed to set the tone for the next 3 weeks.

the brothers family: scott and i had been friends since middle school. i remember my first day happened to be his first day...he was the first person who ever talked to me...we had lockers by each other. our friendship went on into high school. we had classes together, we ran together, and we even went to sr. prom together. joel, his father, and ronda, his step mother lived in a quite little house outside of town. we would watch movies together and i would often visit.

our sr year, my mom and i had a huge fight resulting in me leaving home. i had no where to go with only a week left of school. scott held me outside of mazzio's. he told me he already called his parents and they said to come home to their house. i ended up living with a different friend, until ronda took me to a little hometown jive for pie. i knew her but this time she just eluded class, wisdom, and love. i eventually went to live with them only a month away from going to college. scott and i were attending the same university. ronda also got me involved in early headstart that summer giving me a job as a teacher in a nearby town. i worked. she was the headstart/ early headstart director (the head of everything) for the community program. at night, we would talk. we became so close.

that fall, joel and ronda loaded scott and i up and sent us off to the college. i balled and cried. i begged joel to take me home....later i found out how close he almost did. i went back every weekend. every break. i would work for her. i stayed in norman for awhile. then when i came back after years of being gone...they accepted me back into their home. i got another job with headstart...by helping start one up...part of ronda's design. the rules of staying there was that i work, go to school, and church. i did all three. during this time, i became close to joel because many nights was joel and i sitting around waiting for ronda to come home from work. she left before i got up....came home before i went to bed. joel and i became fast friends. many of nights was watching football, playing cards, goofing off. he taught me a lot of card games. :)

i felt it was time to go....only a few months later, joel had a fatal accident. he fell 6 stories from a harness malfuntion off an oil derrick. he never gained conciousness. i talked to him a few days earlier...we talked 2-3 times a week about nothing. his last words to me 'well, i love you kiddo'. things weren't the same. i wasn't the same.

ronda, a year or so later was diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time. this time....very aggressive causing her to have surgeries. she still was dedicated to all those children in headstart...she would go to chemo...work. take care of her parents. this past december, more devastating news. she was in liver failure. there isn't a cure....other than transplant. which, is not an option when cancer is involved with a patient. then i got the call from scott....she's in the hospital. i pack up and leave the next day. i have never in my life seen anyone so sick. she was very yellow. tired. and skinny. i told her 'hi ronda, it's me lacy.' she replied 'oh lacy, hi sweetie, i love you so much'. in her delirious state told me how i need to finish my math for school. asked me about my crocheting...sewing...how are the girls....how are you....' it was never about her being sick. that's what she did...when you talked of her illness...she asked you how you were doing.

i can't tell anyone the impact joel, ronda, and scott made on my life. they took me in...loved me, rasied me up, made me feel important. i look back and wish i had done things differently...wish i matured more...wish i took the time out to tell them my love for them. ronda passed. she is now with joel....i sit here and think of all the fun times we had together...chopping wood, shopping, talks, birthday's. i am what i am...because i had that family as my own.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

like mother like daughter


ryan is a watcher. she watches me. she plots against me. she will probably blackmail me when she gets older. see the little one in the corner? that's ryan's protege she will help blackmail me because i made her dress up as a cow for the fall festival.

back to the subject. ryan has some serious observation skills. it's quite amusing. she knows i LOVE coffee. she believes wholly i only drink coffee. 'mommy, you drinking coffee?'....'mommy, i will make you coffee'. yep. she makes me pretend coffee, in case i don't have coffee at hand. i am glad she is ours. i wouldn't know what to do without our little coffee- maker. (too bad we can't turn her on and off)

today, she took it to a new level. she took the cap from baby d's bottle...placed some candy canes in the cap....i simply said 'ryan....what are you drinking?'....ryan replies 'i drink coffee like mommy'. HELP!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Thursday, November 19, 2009

sniff sniff




ry is such a hoot!! she says some silly stuff. for example. we have been battling colds lately and i have tried to teach her about 'catching her cough' and washing hands....etc. a couple mornings ago she was sitting on my lap and coughed....i said 'ewwwww all your germs are going everywhere...' she said 'oh, catch my cough mommy?' and i said 'yeah, good job of remembering'...she coughs and catches it and tells me 'hold on there is more'.....'i am not finished yet' cough cough....'mommy, i have a lot of coughs'.....cough cough....i ask 'are you finished now?'....ry 'nope mommy, not yet!'....cough cough 'okay, i am finished now'. WHEW!

baby d is a moving and a grooving. she wakes up and her whole day revolves around going where ry goes. at the end of the day her knees are bright red from crawling...with minor scratches...she always has pants or baby legs on to protect those cute knees. she pulls up on the coffee table...last night she pulled up on the bath tub. she is GREAT standing up.

we are so excited about the arrival of holiday season!!! this year will be a BLAST with ryan. we've already been reading santa books...i know this CHRISTmas will be so magical for her...we can't let her down!! :) we might be putting our tree up this weekend!! yay!!