lately....

the past three week have seemed such a blur. i got a call from one my best friends, scott, telling me ronda is in the hospital. this seemed to set the tone for the next 3 weeks.

the brothers family: scott and i had been friends since middle school. i remember my first day happened to be his first day...he was the first person who ever talked to me...we had lockers by each other. our friendship went on into high school. we had classes together, we ran together, and we even went to sr. prom together. joel, his father, and ronda, his step mother lived in a quite little house outside of town. we would watch movies together and i would often visit.

our sr year, my mom and i had a huge fight resulting in me leaving home. i had no where to go with only a week left of school. scott held me outside of mazzio's. he told me he already called his parents and they said to come home to their house. i ended up living with a different friend, until ronda took me to a little hometown jive for pie. i knew her but this time she just eluded class, wisdom, and love. i eventually went to live with them only a month away from going to college. scott and i were attending the same university. ronda also got me involved in early headstart that summer giving me a job as a teacher in a nearby town. i worked. she was the headstart/ early headstart director (the head of everything) for the community program. at night, we would talk. we became so close.

that fall, joel and ronda loaded scott and i up and sent us off to the college. i balled and cried. i begged joel to take me home....later i found out how close he almost did. i went back every weekend. every break. i would work for her. i stayed in norman for awhile. then when i came back after years of being gone...they accepted me back into their home. i got another job with headstart...by helping start one up...part of ronda's design. the rules of staying there was that i work, go to school, and church. i did all three. during this time, i became close to joel because many nights was joel and i sitting around waiting for ronda to come home from work. she left before i got up....came home before i went to bed. joel and i became fast friends. many of nights was watching football, playing cards, goofing off. he taught me a lot of card games. :)

i felt it was time to go....only a few months later, joel had a fatal accident. he fell 6 stories from a harness malfuntion off an oil derrick. he never gained conciousness. i talked to him a few days earlier...we talked 2-3 times a week about nothing. his last words to me 'well, i love you kiddo'. things weren't the same. i wasn't the same.

ronda, a year or so later was diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time. this time....very aggressive causing her to have surgeries. she still was dedicated to all those children in headstart...she would go to chemo...work. take care of her parents. this past december, more devastating news. she was in liver failure. there isn't a cure....other than transplant. which, is not an option when cancer is involved with a patient. then i got the call from scott....she's in the hospital. i pack up and leave the next day. i have never in my life seen anyone so sick. she was very yellow. tired. and skinny. i told her 'hi ronda, it's me lacy.' she replied 'oh lacy, hi sweetie, i love you so much'. in her delirious state told me how i need to finish my math for school. asked me about my crocheting...sewing...how are the girls....how are you....' it was never about her being sick. that's what she did...when you talked of her illness...she asked you how you were doing.

i can't tell anyone the impact joel, ronda, and scott made on my life. they took me in...loved me, rasied me up, made me feel important. i look back and wish i had done things differently...wish i matured more...wish i took the time out to tell them my love for them. ronda passed. she is now with joel....i sit here and think of all the fun times we had together...chopping wood, shopping, talks, birthday's. i am what i am...because i had that family as my own.