4 years ago, i think back and wonder if someone asked me if i would be married and have two gorgeous girls. i would've said absolutely not.

4 years ago, something tragic happened. april 15th Richard Joel Brothers passed away. who is this guy? well, i had complicated fortune to living with one of my greatest friend's parents after graduating high school after some un-necessary fighting with my own family. they welcomed me into their house with WIDE OPEN arms. i stayed that summer before attending OU in the fall. Ronda and Joel allowed me to come to their house during breaks, spend holidays, called me checking on me during the school year...i simply never left. this family treated me like their own...making me learn to change a tire, check the oil in my car, mow the yard, make a budget, cook, clean, cut wood...i hated it....seriously HATED IT....yet, i admit, i am a better woman because of them. why? it helped me by learning UNCONDITIONAL love, how to be a strong woman yet submissive to my husband. what family time really means....how arguments will always happen but family is always there to give you another hug.

4 years ago, an oil derrick took joels life. he was a strong man. a kind man. he was humorous, gentle, loving, sweet, and smart. the man who loved his wife dearingly, sweetly, and kindly. i remember how they still looked at each other. laughed at another. held each other. i would get squeamish...but now that's what i want from my husband.

the man who LOVES his son. scott. who loved him no matter what. who goofed around with him...who would listen to scott no matter how busy and keep his secrets. who went to every thing of scotts...who kept up at night thinking about him when he knew scott was having a tough time. he loved scott with all this heart.

i will never forget that night. scott and i held each other...we held ronda. we decided letting go was the better deal. but we will NEVER EVER forget him no matter how many times he embarrassed me...i will remember all the secrets he held of mine, loved me, hugged me, worried about me, protected me, fixing my car, taking me to work when my car was broke, making me mow, telling boys to never ever call his house cause he knew they were bad eggs, telling stupid STUPID jokes only he thought was funny, having belching contests, almost taking me home from taking me to college cause i cried so hard, walking in to the house with him listening to enya, and i will always love him.

i didn't know if i would ever get pass this hurt...loss....watching others hurt and feeling lost. i met tucker 2 months later....he has shown me that unconditional love i desired...that i had be taught. God knew what he was doing....and i am thankful.